I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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