He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
