a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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