i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
