i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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