Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell her she can't have a vagina
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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