You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
