my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
