hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
