I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
