Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
