omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
