Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
