I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
