some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
