Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
