No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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