My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
