Can Purell be used as lube?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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