If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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