she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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