How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
