I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
