so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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