Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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