I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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