I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
