I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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