um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
