Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
