I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
