He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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