There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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