We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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