How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
