I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I could make wine with my vomit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
