It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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