At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
