I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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