so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
