Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
