Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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