there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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