i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
