you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
