what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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