i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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