he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
