She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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