So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
