You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
