Sponge bath it is.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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