im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
