I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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