Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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