Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
