You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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