There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
