It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
