things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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