either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
