3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
