Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
