He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
