If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize