Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
