Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
