I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
